Cheating is a behavior that can evoke feelings of betrayal, heartbreak, and confusion, but understanding the reasons behind it requires more than moral judgment. Rather than viewing infidelity as a simple flaw in character, experts in psychology and relationship studies suggest that cheating often arises from a complex combination of personal, social, and emotional factors. Today, let’s explore these mechanisms and understand how society's expectations shape—and sometimes hinder—our pursuit of fulfilling relationships.
The Social Blueprint of Monogamy
For centuries, society has held monogamy as the gold standard for romantic relationships. However, this model may not fit everyone’s needs or desires, and its pressure can lead individuals to seek validation or excitement outside their relationship. Dr. Esther Perel, a renowned psychotherapist and author of The State of Affairs, argues that infidelity can be an expression of autonomy, freedom, or a longing for lost parts of the self. In her research, Perel suggests that for some, cheating becomes a way to “find oneself” while feeling trapped by societal expectations surrounding monogamy.
In a survey by the Institute for Family Studies, researchers found that about 20% of married individuals reported infidelity at some point in their marriage. Experts suggest that these figures may be a result of societal expectations around monogamy clashing with personal needs. When people feel pressured to conform to a single relationship model, they may struggle with unmet needs, leading some to seek connection elsewhere. Recognizing this doesn’t justify cheating but instead sheds light on how social norms can shape relationship dynamics.
Cheating as a Coping Mechanism
For many, cheating is less about physical desire and more about filling an emotional void. According to Dr. Tammy Nelson, a certified sex therapist and author of The New Monogamy, individuals may cheat to satisfy unmet emotional needs or to feel “seen” in ways their relationship does not provide. Dr. Nelson emphasizes that infidelity often arises from a lack of emotional connection or a struggle with self-worth. In these cases, cheating becomes a mechanism to feel validated and desired, temporarily masking deeper insecurities.
A 2019 study published in the Journal of Sex Research supports this idea, finding that individuals who cheat often do so to cope with personal insecurities or relationship dissatisfaction. The study identified “self-expansion” as a common motivator, where individuals engage in extramarital affairs to boost self-esteem or experience novelty. This insight underscores how infidelity can be a symptom of internal conflicts rather than an outright rejection of one’s partner.
The Role of Society in Shaping Attitudes Toward Cheating
Infidelity is often glamorized in movies, shows, and even literature, yet society continues to stigmatize it as one of the most profound betrayals. This contradiction leaves many people conflicted, feeling ashamed yet intrigued by infidelity. A study by Dr. Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist at Rutgers University, reveals that society’s ambivalent attitudes toward cheating stem from our complex relationship with monogamy and desire. In her research, Dr. Fisher found that many people experience “mate-craving,” a biological urge to seek new partners, which can conflict with the monogamous expectations imposed by society.
Furthermore, the taboo surrounding infidelity often hinders open conversations about personal desires and boundaries in relationships. In many cases, individuals may suppress their real needs out of fear or shame, which can lead to a buildup of resentment and dissatisfaction. A 2021 survey by Psychology Today found that couples who openly discuss boundaries and desires are 25% less likely to experience infidelity, as honest communication fosters deeper connection and understanding.
Modern Relationships and the Evolution of Commitment
As society evolves, so do relationship models. Polyamory, open relationships, and other forms of consensual non-monogamy are becoming more widely acknowledged, offering alternatives to traditional monogamy. Researchers, such as Dr. Elisabeth Sheff, a sociologist and author of The Polyamorists Next Door, argue that these evolving structures can help reduce infidelity by encouraging partners to discuss and explore their desires openly. This flexible approach to commitment allows individuals to define their relationships according to their personal needs rather than societal pressure.
A 2020 study in Frontiers in Psychology found that individuals in consensual non-monogamous relationships reported higher relationship satisfaction and lower rates of cheating, as the open structure encouraged more transparent conversations about needs. This shift illustrates how evolving relationship norms can foster more fulfilling, honest connections, potentially reducing the allure of infidelity.
Conclusion
Cheating is a behavior rooted in the complexities of human needs, social expectations, and the dynamic nature of relationships. By viewing infidelity as a multifaceted issue, influenced by both personal and societal factors, we gain deeper insights into the mechanisms behind it.
For those navigating their relationships, it’s essential to embrace open communication, self-awareness, and a willingness to explore and define their boundaries. At Senses Collective, we encourage our community to build authentic connections and understand that relationships are as unique as the individuals within them. By fostering honesty and self-acceptance, we can create spaces where love and intimacy thrive, free from the constraints of societal expectations.